Denial & Commission
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Bulletin
1. Where are you going?
Have you ever had a child or grandchild notice that you were heading out and ask where are you going, can I come too? I know one woman who was pretty fed up and overwhelmed. Her husband was home and working on something with the daughter but the young sons were causing a ruckus. She needed some space, so she grabbed the keys. Her daughter asked, Mom where are you going, she replied, “I’m going crazy.” Her daughter responded, “can I come?”
Jim Wallis was helping out at a soup kitchen about 20 blocks from the White House. Before people came in, all those who helped prepare the food and get it together would join hands and say a prayer. The prayer was often offered by Mary Glover, a sixty-year-old African American woman who knew what it meant to be poor and knew how to pray. She prayed like someone who knew to whom she was talking…I’ll never forget the words she always prayed: “Lord, we know that you’ll be coming through this line today, so help us to treat you well.”
I appreciate this sense of tracking, anticipating, noticing where Jesus is and where he is heading. Where is Jesus going today? I think Jesus is in classroom where children are too hungry to concentrate or too deeply affected by the pandemic and are told they are “underperforming”? I think Jesus is in the nursing home where staff seek to offer dignity to patients on their final journey. I think Jesus is with the refugee fleeing Ukraine, Syria… the refugee trying to find welcome here in our country and hoping for a friend. These places where Jesus is, that’s where we want to be, and where Peter wanted to be.
After Jesus had washed the feet of the disciples, instructed them to love one another as he has loved them (John 13:34), and prayed for their unity, Peter is ready to go. Not sure where but willing to follow Jesus, even to lay down his life for Jesus, that’s what he says. He can’t help himself it’s a statement of devotion and enthusiasm.
“Lord, where are you going?” and “Can I come too?”
What if we would start our day with a brief prayer, “Lord, where are you going? Let me be there.”
Peter made known that he was going where Jesus was going and would lay down his life for Jesus. Jesus replies, “Really? You will lay down your life for me? The truth is that before the rooster crows, you’ll deny me three times.” (13:38). I wonder the expression of Jesus here. “Is it really you that’s going to lay down your life for me? What you are actually going to do Peter is something rather different than what you now intend.”
This is a tough truth about himself that he cannot at the moment grasp.
2. Sacred Garden Profaned
That final night together, Jesus will share bread and wine with the disciples, Judas will leave the room to betray, and Jesus will keep teaching. And as darkness falls, they leave the room, head east across the Kidron Valley to the Mount of Olives. They have gone to this garden to pray on numerous occasions which is how Judas knows where to find them. Judas and his battalion of priests, soldiers and police come with lanterns and torches and weapons. A place of prayer and worship has become a place of violence and betrayal. It makes me think of Oscar Romero, archbishop of San Salvador who spent his ministry fighting against poverty, social injustice of all kinds, and the abuses of power by the rulers of the day. In 1980 he too was gathered with fellow worshipers celebrating mass when he was gunned down by assassins. Brother Roger the founder of the Taize community, was stabbed to death in 2005 while he led evening prayer. Or the mass shooting that took place at Emmanuel African Methodist Episcopal Church in Charleston in 2015 during a prayer service. in 2017 Twenty-six people, half of them children and one unborn, were killed at First Baptist Church in Sutherland Springs, Texas. In 2018, 11 Jews attending services at the Tree of Life synagogue in Pittsburgh, Pennsylvania, were fatally shot by a white supremacist with a history of anti-Semitism.
Into that holy place, that sacred garden the attackers come at night armed against the Prince of Peace. And Jesus comes to meet them. The light of the world stands before those who, in their darkness, have come with torches and lanterns. He does not hide, instead, he confronts the worldly power with His power. He makes them answer the question he wants all to answer: “Whom are you seeking?” They answer, “Jesus of Nazareth.” Jesus replies, “I am he” (Ego Eimi). We hear echoes of the exchange between Moses and God when Moses asks whom should I say has sent me to Pharoah and God says, I Am (Exodus 3:13-15). For Jesus, this statement links with all the others, I am the bread of life, the light of the world, the resurrection and the life, the way, the truth and the life. The answer causes the arresting party to stumble backwards and fall to the ground. Again, Jesus asks, “Whom are you seeking?” the answer’s the same. At that moment, Peter draws his sword and cuts the ear off one of the soldiers. This act is rebuked by Jesus. This is not the way. Do not return evil for evil. And with that they arrest and bind Jesus.
3. At a Distance / Betrayal
They take Jesus to the High Priest. Peter and another disciple follow through the looming gates and into the courtyard. The other disciples have fled and are nowhere to be found. Peter has stayed near Jesus up until this point. He has walked with Jesus and the army of soldiers. Peter is there when no one else is. He has shown up. But he is isolated.
The woman who guarded the gate asks Peter, “Are you not also one of this man’s followers?” Peter replies, “I am not.” Two words from Jesus, ego eimi, contrasted with two words from Peter ouk eimi. What a difference a word can make.
While Jesus is being interrogated and beaten for the truth he is speaking, Peter finds a charcoal fire there in that darkened courtyard and joins the others crowded around the heat. There he is questioned again, “Aren’t you one of the disciples?” Again, “I am not.” Finally, a third time, a relative of the man whose ear Peter cut off in the garden asks Peter, “Did I not see you in the garden with him?” Again, Peter denies it, and the rooster crows.
Jesus is telling the truth while Peter is telling lies. Jesus is speaking openly, Peter is doing his best to hide. He is cold and tired, drained of his earlier bravado, void of the rush of energy in the garden. All this chaos and confusion coming together and producing fear, panic, lies, and disloyalty.
Peter is telling people he didn’t belong to Jesus when his heart was crying out that he really did.
Ever been there? Ever hope to keep a low profile, travel incognito? Ever been cold and tired, drained of earlier seasons of bravado, lacking energy and conviction to take a stand? Ever felt so alone in the swirl of chaos and confusion coming together and producing fear, panic, lies, and disloyalty?
Imagine scenes in which you could have spoken but retreated to safe zones; “Nobody asked me; it was none of my business; it was someone else’s responsibility.” Does such retreat amount to denial?
When faced with conflict, suffering, adversity, pain, abandonment how quickly we withdraw to places of safety. A prophetic voice becomes more silent; a sinful habit is ignored; a broken relationship is not mended. We are so often swimming against strong currents, swayed to promote misinformation and lies, swayed to covet what others have, swayed to let anger have it’s way, swayed to…
What circumstances make us waver in our faithfulness to Jesus and loyalty to one another?
Peter is not the only one guilty of compromise, expediency, self-protection, and fear.
4. Another Chance
In the midst of failure, disappointment and shame, however, this is not the end of Peter or his story. His failure sets the stage for a comeback. Peter will follow after, as Jesus predicted. The Spirit will be given and the Savior after the resurrection will appear on the shore, having made breakfast over a charcoal fire. Here, Jesus and Peter begin a new conversation. It is designed to give Peter an opportunity to reframe his life in light of resurrection hope. Three times Jesus will ask Peter, do you love me, and three times Peter will say yes. With each affirmation, not only is Peter released from shame, but is given a charge, feed my lambs, tend my sheep, feed my sheep (John 21:15-19).
Within this new conversation betrayals and blindness are reframed in view of the resurrection. Death has been defeated, evil overcome, sins forgiven, and new life ensured. Peter is granted forgiveness and invited into courageous commitment. Deep hope and healing can arise out of these dark places of profound betrayal and personal blindness.
Peter fails, yes, but thanks be to God that God does not judge us on one, or even three particular failures. God looks at the entire picture of our lives, not just the missteps and betrayals. Peter emerges from the betrayals with more conviction and passion than ever – rightly directed channeled, and empowered.
Dr. Derrick Bell was the first tenured African American professor at Harvard Law School. He is best known for his decision to resign his post over the Law School’s hiring practices when there were no African American women or other women of color on the faculty. He states that courage must be understood in context and with an acknowledgement of fear:
“Courage is a decision you make to act in a way that works through your own fear for the greater good as opposed to self-interest. Courage means putting at risk your immediate self-interest for what you believe is right… Ethical living is an ongoing commitment, as we meet life’s day-to-day challenges and opportunities, to assume risks in honor of self and all others.”
John 13:36-38
Simon Peter said to him, “Lord, where are you going?” Jesus answered, “Where I am going, you cannot follow me now; but you will follow afterward.” Peter said to him, “Lord, why can I not follow you now? I will lay down my life for you.” Jesus answered, “Will you lay down your life for me? Very truly, I tell you, before the cock crows, you will have denied me three times.
John 18:15-18, 25-27
Simon Peter and another disciple followed Jesus. Since that disciple was known to the high priest, he went with Jesus into the courtyard of the high priest, but Peter was standing outside at the gate. So the other disciple, who was known to the high priest, went out, spoke to the woman who guarded the gate, and brought Peter in. The woman said to Peter, “You are not also one of this man’s disciples, are you?” He said, “I am not.” Now the slaves and the police had made a charcoal fire because it was cold, and they were standing around it and warming themselves. Peter also was standing with them and warming himself.
Now Simon Peter was standing and warming himself. They asked him, “You are not also one of his disciples, are you?” He denied it and said, “I am not.” One of the slaves of the high priest, a relative of the man whose ear Peter had cut off, asked, “Did I not see you in the garden with him?” Again Peter denied it, and at that moment the cock crowed.